“Join our networking event!” Those are the four words I dread the most. Even more than, “We don’t have chocolate.” Am I the only one?
In my experience as a business owner, there has been an undoing of corporate expectations. We spend our careers following unwritten rules about how things need to be done. Rules that were likely created before women were allowed out of the kitchen. A great example is the phrase that used to shut us all down – “We’ve always done it that way.” Now it’s a solid indication that innovation would be helpful. I’m going to invite you to rethink how you network. It’s time for innovation.
The Traditional Way
When I picture networking, it usually involves a conference room with high tops, passed hors d’oeuvres that are impossible to eat with grace, collecting piles of business cards, attempting to balance your drink (and the aforementioned piles) while still being able to shake someone’s hand. Then you spend the entire time doing the hokey pokey trying to decide whether you’re welcome to join a new circle.
Does this sound like fun to anyone? More than that, are you really showing up as your best, most authentic self in this space?
I spent my career in sales, which meant I had to be at these events nonstop. Despite the frequency I attended them and my many attempts to find new strategies (like eating beforehand or getting the “right” bag that isn’t too big but has the perfectly sized pocket to easily grab and store business cards), they never felt comfortable or effective. It was more like checking the box.
Breaking Up with Traditional Networking
During my corporate career, I fell into a deep depression. If you’ve never experienced that, let me tell you that it’s terrifying. Your entire world changes and everything that felt easy, now feels difficult. So the things that were difficult shifted to impossible. Can you guess where networking events landed during this time?
As I climbed my way out of the dark abyss I was in, one thing I learned was that “putting on the show” exhausts me and isn’t something I want to do anymore. Not only did I not want to, but it would put my mental health and wellness at risk. That is a non-negotiable. So I started to navigate these events differently. More time boundaries for myself (get in, get out) and shifted my goals from the number of people I met to the quality of conversation I was having.
In 2019, I started my own business. Networking was an absolute necessity, but this time I was ready with excitement. After all, I was now a business owner (insert hair flip). I made it to one in-person event before the world closed.
Fortunately, the pandemic offered new ways of connecting. This is where it got super fun for me. I loved seeing the creative ways to bring people together and how a host could facilitate conversations helping to remove the awkward. Yes, there were plenty that didn’t provide the ease. Those were just as important to experience, though. All of this helped me to develop new networking criteria.
How to Experience Innovative Impactful Networking
- Be intentional with your time.
- Focus on how you show up best. It doesn’t matter if you’re in person or virtual.
- If it’s not the right room for you, then don’t force it.
- Ask interesting questions for meaningful connections.
- Go with an open mind, curiosity, and excitement to learn even one new thing.
Be Intentional with Your Time
How much time do you realistically have to network? To figure this out requires more than time management. You need to know how your energy works. If you sign up for five networking groups, but get exhausted because of your busy life so you only show up to one event a month out of the plethora available to you, then you’re wasting your money (or your company’s money). And the real tragedy is you’re wasting the most valuable resources of all – your time and energy.
Instead, look at networking from a holistic perspective. Ask yourself the question, “On the busiest of days, will this event energize me or drain me?” If it drains you and you have the opportunity to avoid it, run in the other direction! (If your boss requires you to attend, that’s a different conversation we can chat about. Send me a DM. I got you!)
Only commit to what you can realistically commit to. Then you can make time to be present, be consistent, and build real connections that make an impact instead of transactional ones that make you feel slimy.
Focus On How You Show Up Best
What kind of networking excites you? Have you even found that, yet? When you’re in the room whether virtual or in person, go through this checklist:
- Do I feel comfortable here?
- Am I learning something interesting and purposeful that benefits me personally and/or professionally?
- Have I been given the opportunity to speak?
- Am I being heard?
- Did I enjoy my time in this space?
The last in person networking event I was asked to attend (and did) brought me a whole lot of social anxiety. Naturally, I committed the cardinal sin of sitting at a table and talking to the people there instead of working the room. Other than feeling myself in the dress I wore that night, it wasn’t a great use of my time or money.
But the same month I showed up virtually in five different rooms and started building valuable relationships. These rooms energized me, provided a space for our voices to be heard, and then I took the extra step of connecting outside of there with people that felt aligned.
Bottom Line: If you can float through a cocktail party like a belle at the ball, then go own that room. If a more intimate space allows you to speak freely, then choose that.
If It’s Not the Right Room for You, Then Don’t Force It
Consider trying on networking events like you would try on clothes in a dressing room. If the jeans don’t zip up, then it doesn’t make sense to buy them. Just because three people told you that this is the event you need to attend, if you know in your bones that it isn’t – then move on.
When you try to force it, you’ll do everything to avoid it, create tactics to only be there briefly and check the box, dread each minute leading up to it and during, and not get what you need out of it. It’s like buying the jeans that don’t fit and having to ask your significant other to help you zip them every time (then avoid the loo for the rest of the day because you can’t zip them without support and maybe needle nose pliers).
When you find that ensemble that makes you feel your best, you strut with confidence. That’s how you want networking to make you feel.
Ask Interesting Questions for Meaningful Connections
Personally, I think small talk is exhausting. And guess what it does? It keeps you small! Will you remember the person who asked what you do for a living or the one who asked what’s bringing you joy today? When you ask interesting questions, the other person will be excited to answer and what they share will give you something to build on for more conversation. I ask about joy, so you can take that one (freebie alert).
You can also weave in something that relates to what you do. For example, “Quick question. I’m taking a poll on employee resource groups. What’s your participation in ERGs?” If they’re not familiar, then there’s a conversation starter. If their company has them, but they don’t participate, then you have follow up questions. Let’s say they do engage – even more questions and conversations to be had. Notice that it wasn’t a “yes or no” question. That way it allows you to flow through ideas like Salt-n-Pepa’s greatest hits.
Go with an Open Mind, Curiosity, and Excitement to Learn Even One New Thing
No matter where you are in your career or your journey of life, you can always learn something. When you attend with a mindset of knowing everything, you’re not only hurting yourself in the moment but also giving off “know it all” vibes. Do you want to build a relationship with someone like that? Plus, if you’re searching for negative, you’re going to find it. Isn’t it more interesting to be curious what you could learn?
The in person event I mentioned earlier had a great panel that taught me something new. I did leave with more knowledge than when I came in. I’m proud of the fact that I attended, pushed my comfort zone, tried on something new, and gained insight. It’s okay that it’s not the right fit for me moving forward. Look at all the lessons!
Think about learning in a multi-faceted way. We can get stuck in the professional part of networking that closes our minds to possibilities.
Be curious and excited about learning something that will:
- Help your professional goals (the obvious intent)
- Support your personal brand
- Teach you something about yourself
- Allow you to gain insight about someone you met
- Make you think differently about your relationships (personal or professional)
- Give you a new skillset
- Open your mind to possibilities unimagined before
- Soothe your soul (whatever that looks like for you in that moment)
The Future of Networking
As a Latina and a DEI advocate, I know that representation matters. It’s also important to build the spaces that we wish we had. In that spirit, I created the She Suite Connector. It’s the secret door for badass women of color and allies to network in more meaningful ways. The community of women that gather here have shared these insights:
I just wish it was longer! It was meaningful. Impactful. Needed.
I am gaining confidence with talking to others and I love the perspectives I am being shown! A fun vibe for sure!
You instantly feel supported and comfortable sharing. I have learned a lot from you and from the other women.
If you want to ditch surface-level networking, this virtual event could be for you. Send me a message if you’d like an invitation to this safe space. Email me at jackie@inspiredjourneyconsulting.com.
When you hit your next networking event, try the criteria above and tell me how it goes. Comment below if it feels good to you. Your voice matters.