“You can’t heal what you never reveal.” These words of wisdom from uber successful business mogul, Jay-Z, have struck me in a way that continues to resonate. So much so that it lives as a post on my social media feed. And each time I read it, I can feel it and see it in new ways.
Revealing our deepest, darkest thoughts and experiences can be downright terrifying. When we do, it almost feels like we’re naked in a room with fully clothed executives. And what are all of the clothed people doing? Judging us, of course. At least that’s how we feel or what we’re scared of. I remember when I embarked on my healing journey, this was what would push me into panic. I’m talking literal panic attacks. That fear of what everyone would think of me “if they knew” was debilitating.
Looking back, that feeling would basically mean I believed everyone else was perfect (whatever perfect is). It also showed that I didn’t trust the people around me to have compassion. What message does that send to those that care the most? As I was walking around, playing this part of “Happy Jackie”, I created an illusion that wasn’t true to my authentic self. Have you ever felt this way?
Who Do You See in the Mirror?
Healing teaches us that the fear has less to do with others and more to do with facing ourselves in the mirror. Who are we without the masks we wear? But our groundwater is filled with the opinions of others whether family, friends, community, media, or even history. That makes things really cloudy and tough to navigate. Of course we prioritize perspective instead of truth. We’ve been conditioned to do just that.
I’m consistently amazed at the healing process. I remember hitting a point on my journey where I thought I was cured. Now that’s a laugh. As Shrek would say, healing is like an onion. It has many layers. Our minds protect us in phenomenal ways. They allow us to work through one thing before opening the door to something else that needs care. It’s similar to any form of learning. At the risk of sounding trite, baby steps until you walk and then run and then drive a car, and then fly first class (call your travel advisor for help). We forget that and beat ourselves up for not being okay. Or justify that “this is just who I am”. And that is a limiting belief that holds us back from a spectacular life.
Support for the Healing Journey
How do we know something needs healing? Here are some questions to ponder and use as journal prompts:
- When a conversation makes you feel uncomfortable, why do you think that is?
- Can you pinpoint what part made you feel uncomfortable?
- If you were to name your discomfort, what word would you use? Anxiety, frustration, sadness?
- What did that discussion bring up for you?
- Is there a particular memory that it makes you think of?
- Does the person speaking remind you of anyone from your past? Or a family member?
- What about them feels familiar?
- How do you feel about that friend, colleague, family member?
- Where in your body do you feel the discomfort?
Our bodies give us cues that we have things to heal. Not just literal wounds, but the hidden ones below the surface. Most often, I feel it in my throat. It closes up or my voice gets shaky. My words don’t come together in a congruent fashion. Start listening to your body and see what it has to say.
Ways to Soothe Your Soul
What can we heal? This list is endless. It might surprise you to realize that we have the ability to change the record that’s been playing inside of us all of our lives. When we do the work to heal these emotional wounds, our eyes open to love ourselves and others more intensely. It changes how we view the world, our words, what others say and do, and how we can impact change. When we have this pain inside of us, it’s taking up space that could be filled with empathy, brilliance, creativity, and so many other positive things. Wouldn’t it be amazing to have more positive than negative in your world?
Before my healing journey, I had no room to understand being othered. I lived my life believing I wasn’t good enough so there was no standing up for myself or anyone else. Based on my own trauma, I would contort myself to fit what everyone else wanted. I was plagued by feelings of being imperfect, uncool, too this, not enough that – never, ever enough. And I couldn’t understand why I felt that way. I didn’t know for too long that much of my experiences were results of being Latina in America. That generational trauma has impacted my life along with oppression and all the other forms of trauma I’ve faced. I missed realizing that I wasn’t alone.
The Adventure of Your Life
Taking care of our hearts is one of the most freeing things we can do. Forget sky diving or climbing Everest. Healing is the real extreme sport. Can you guess what melts away? Shame, fear, and doubt (to name a few yucky emotions). Does mountain biking free your soul? Only when done with intention while on our healing journeys.
Throughout the years, I’ve come to honor the process and relish the opportunity to face my demons. Because life gets brighter when we heal. It starts with having courage to reveal our truth. Will you step up and be brave?
To support your healing journey, these are some of my favorite resources:
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