What race do you think I am? Growing up, I had a darker complexion than my sisters and my mom, but lighter than my dad’s. My maiden name is Arroyo, a city in Puerto Rico. My paternal great-grandmother left the island when she was pregnant with my grandfather and changed her last name. That’s as far as we know. And while I knew my long list of ethnicities, I was told over and over again that I was white. I remember my aunt telling her older brother (my dad) that he wasn’t white. She described him as Hispanic, a Latino, a Mexican. His response was a firm, “No, I’m white”.
There it was. My race definition is white. I’m Hispanic, Mexican, Italian, and Puerto Rican when it comes to my mom’s cooking. I’m Hispanic or Latina on government forms. But I’m always white. At least that’s what I was raised to believe. And that is part of my privilege.
What Race Am I?
Eight years ago I met the love of my life and he challenged everything I’d been told. “You’re not white, Jackie.” Huh? That was the beginning. David taught me about race, white privilege, and what it means to be a person of color. I started to understand and accept myself more. Step one.
The reality started to set in with one question, answered two very different ways. “Jackie, how many times have you been pulled over by the police?” I have two stories, one involving a speeding ticket and the other a cracked windshield I couldn’t afford to fix. David told me how in his 38 years on this earth (at the time), he had been pulled over 78 times. My perspective shifted, my eyes opened, and I was on the road to becoming “woke”. However, I had a lot to learn about him, our daughter, and what it’s like to be black. It was time for my race education.
Learning Journey
Children’s books are a great example of white privilege. Ever try looking for a book with a black family as the main characters? It’s a short list. What about ones with black kids as the main characters that isn’t talking about their skin or their hair? I know how important representation is, especially for children. When I traveled, I would try to get Love a book from each destination. I wanted her to see herself in these pages while she mentally traveled to London, Chicago, and Paris. Searching those bookshelves looking for black or brown children was a bleak exercise.
Another part of my learning journey was to read as much as I can. A couple of examples for you. A friend recommended the book Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin, a true story of a journalist who went to the South to walk the shoes of a black man. That was eye opening. While the setting started in 1959, the book was challenged and at one point banned for decades to come. It showed the hate people exhibited in each microaggression. This wasn’t just burning crosses and slave traders. It exploited everyday life. I was sad, shocked, and angry reading this.
Fast forward to a present day perspective; Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race. Reni Eddo-Lodge talks about race in Britain, something unfamiliar to me, a “white” American. She writes “When I was four, I asked my mum when I would turn white, because all the good people on TV were white, and all the villains were black and brown. I considered myself to be a good person, so I thought that I would turn white eventually. My mum still remembers the crestfallen look on my face when she told me the bad news.” Can you imagine? If you can’t, that’s your privilege.
Anti-Racist Lifestyle
I’ve been struggling with whether I should even write on this topic right now because I don’t want to be part of the noise and the hashtags. I want to be part of the solution. Where do we go from here? Not to sound like a broken record, but EDUCATION. I’ve noticed people are scared to talk about race. They confuse racism with politics or are worried to say the wrong thing. This makes sense to me because I’ve been there. I never thought it was my place to speak up. I didn’t want to offend anyone. Sound familiar? Like many others across the globe, when George Floyd was murdered I needed to use my privilege to effect change. I feel confident having the conversation today because of the homework I’ve done and continue to do.
Remember that when you know better, you do better. Just like research you do for a project at work or spending time with a personal trainer for your health, becoming educated on racism, white privilege, discrimination, equity, and inclusion will help you see things differently. Then you behave differently, speak your truth, help others understand a new perspective. Finally, keep learning so you can use your superpowers for good.