Can you catch the stories that are running you? It’s very tricky. These negative thoughts happen quickly, sometimes quietly, and quite frequently. In fact, 95 percent of our thoughts are unconscious and 80 percent of them are negative. So if you don’t know what’s running you, that’s totally normal. But imagine the superpower it would be if you could catch the story and shift it?
“Life is punishing me because I’m a bad daughter.”
“I don’t matter.”
“I’m difficult to be friends with.”
“My husband would be better off without me.”
These are just some of the stories I’ve caught in the past week. None of them are facts. All of them are painful. Clearly, they’re not serving me. What now?
When these stories run unchecked, they show up in how you communicate with your partner, how you show up at work, and how you navigate your daily life.
The Stories Running Your Life
One trend I’ve noticed in my clients is that they’ve been pushing these stories away, burying them deep inside. Or letting them take over and create the reality of how they walk through this world. Both angles are dangerous and offer unfavorable results.
A popular story I hear is, “I should be grateful for everything I have. Some people have it so much worse.” This blocks you from wanting something more like that corner office, an upgrade to first class, or simply a silly conversation with your partner instead of covering home logistics.
The thing is, it’s difficult to know or understand that these are just stories. When negative noise is bouncing around inside of your head all day, it’s like screaming into an echo chamber. Plus, your brain is working to quickly categorize information. Since these stories are likely deeply rooted from an earlier life experience, your brain sees it as evidence instead of fiction. “Just file it quickly in the ‘been there’ box so we can move on to the next piece of info.”
As swiftly as this happens, it can just as rapidly impact your mood, confidence, communication, and decisions. But what if you slowed the process down?
The Cost of Racing Through Your Thoughts
I get it. We live in a society that values speed. Everything needs to be done faster. The average adult internet user has an attention span of 8.25 seconds, can only focus on one screen for about 47 seconds, and will only spend about 10 minutes focused on a work project before switching to something else.
But faster isn’t always better. The person switching tasks takes 25 minutes to properly refocus their attention. The inability to stay on one screen means you’re missing context and are more likely to be misinformed because of this.
The same thing happens with your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. When you don’t slow down to examine more thoroughly, those thoughts impact your feelings creating sadness, insecurity, frustration, guilt, shame. Then the thoughts combined with the negative emotions become beliefs. And they run the show like puppet masters.
My Journey to Uncovering the Stories
I’ve become enamored with the process of uncovering these stories. On my own healing journey, I spent 15 consecutive years in therapy with five different therapists offering a variety of modalities to support the stage I was in. I have visited immersive wellness resorts in multiple countries meeting with healers and experienced new ways of growing. I’ve worked with coaches (and continue to do so) to support my expansion. My husband says I devour books, reading a new one each week to continue my education, evolution, healing, and find more and more ways to help my clients.
With all of this under my belt, I’ve still found it difficult to see the story. So how can we expect the average person to see the stories running them? That’s an unfair ask. And a problem I want to solve.
The 13-Step Process to Reclaim Your Power
To help my clients create their dream lives without blowing up their current reality, I broke the process down into 13 steps. That’s what it takes to identify the story and shift it into something that serves you. My process involves mindfulness techniques because we need to regulate our nervous system along the way and show our highly alert brains that it’s safe to dream, think differently, and create positive change. It includes a bit of silliness because this journey can feel heavy and we need help shifting away from the negative. It leaves you inspired.
One thing I love about dreaming is it helps you reveal some of the nonsense in your head. And when you’re brave enough to keep exploring, you reconnect with the excitement of desire. Going through this process I’ve created means you’re not wishful thinking. You’re believing from the depth of your soul that you are worthy and deserving of this dream life. With that solid foundation, anything is possible.
The shift happens faster than you think when you know what to look for. And when you have the support. I’ve watched clients go from “I know it’s a pipe dream” to “I will have this and I deserve it.”
Ready to Catch Your Stories?
Life is not punishing me. I’m a good person. I do matter. I’m easy to love. I contribute amazing things to my husband’s life every day. Whatever mean things you’re saying to yourself are lies.
The cost of continuing to ignore these stories? Another year of feeling disconnected from yourself, your partner, and your life. Another year of your dreams buried under the never-ending to-do list.
Let’s catch the story together, so you can live more confidently with ease and dream those big, beautiful dreams. If this resonates, I’d love to explore those stories with you. Grab some time on my calendar. We’ll take 30 minutes to identify what’s running you and create a shift for a life where you’re the main character instead of an extra.