“I’m deeply insecure.” I never expected to say that out loud. And after all the years I’ve put into my healing, it seemed impossible that I’d feel that way. But when I shared it in that moment of vulnerability with my husband, it was exactly how I felt.
Would you ever admit that you’re insecure?
“If I were to be truly honest with myself, at my core I am deeply insecure.” I said this on May 6, 2025. It’s important that you know how recently that feeling came up. Why? Because building unshakeable self-worth is a daily practice.
The Stories in Our Heads
The same day I released those words into the room, the proof that that isn’t actually true came to light. What’s happening is that’s a story I’ve been used to. It began when I was three years old – my first memory of thinking I wasn’t good enough. That three-year old who always questioned her worth is the same one who accepted the kiddie seat at the corporate table, thinking that was all she deserved.
The woman writing this isn’t insecure. She has her moments of insecurity, moments of self-doubt, moments of unworthiness. And different from most people, she’s willing to feel them and admit them. She doesn’t dwell on them, but instead recognizes the strength in allowing those thoughts and feelings to be seen.
Processing Perfect or Less Than
When you think of someone as “insecure”, what assumptions come to mind? It’s amazing how we can create meaning around something as simple as a word. We build stories that support that meaning like someone insecure is a bad leader. Or insecurity means you don’t love yourself. (And they say you have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can love you. Don’t get me started on that nonsense.)
Then consider the emotions that come with that meaning. Do you feel pity? Frustration? Impatience? Confusion?
How do you communicate with someone insecure? Are you walking on eggshells trying not to hurt their feelings? Maybe you see yourself as an alpha who has no time for this emotional state. Do you see it as a weakness and lose trust?
It’s important to recognize these thoughts, feelings, and beliefs within you. These support the stories that get in the way of you breaking free from hustle culture and reclaiming your time freedom. What you think is driving your success is actually the very thing that stops you from enjoying it.
How Our Brains Trick Us
In order to make sense of all the information we receive, our brains categorize and it can cause us to fall into patterns of black and white thinking. This perspective is reinforced all the time. Think of basic descriptions we use:
- Rich or poor
- Winner or loser
- Successful or failing
- Confident or insecure
Or how this is reinforced in the media:
- The angel and devil on our shoulders
- Cancel culture
- Batman versus Joker
These dichotomies don’t leave room for the complexities of being human. We have the ability to feel many things at the same time. We exist mainly in the in between. Even looking at these extremes, assumptions can be made. If you’re rich then you’re winning, successful, and confident. Which means if you’re poor then you’re losing, failing, and insecure. No doubt when we’re at our lowest moments, we’ve felt some, a few, or all of these things about ourselves. But do we ever really feel all of the good things? That level of perfection we’re using to measure our worth?
Feed Your Brain Better Intel
Our brains play tricks on us that aren’t kind. That’s why it’s so important to get this nonsense out of our heads. To see the beauty of everything in between. Try this on for size:
- Abundant
- Grateful
- Annoyed
- Brilliant
- Learning
- Worried
- Excited
- Disappointed
- Hopeful
- Growing
Yeah, I threw some crappy feelings in there because that’s real life. It’s okay to acknowledge them. Because hiding them gives them more power. We don’t want to live in that negativity and we don’t want to deny it. The way to take your power back is by feeling them and moving through them. I promise you don’t have to be perfect.
Creating Safety Around Imperfection
So when I had that moment sharing that I’m deeply insecure, everything in me felt that that was reality. The black and white thinking my brain was using created an inaccurate narrative leading to a feeling and a belief. But then I said it out loud and the evidence against it came flooding to the surface. I’m not insecure. Younger versions of me were. The woman I am today has moments of insecurity. At my core, I’m confident in who I am, my gifts, and my presence in this world.
It was because I felt safe enough to share that feeling that I was able to then realize it wasn’t a fact. This opportunity for expression took the power away from the thought that was running me. Sometimes it’s that simple. Admitting it to my husband, the person I feel the safest with, took everything in me to be that honest. Now imagine how much harder it would be in other spaces. Could you tell your friends that? Your colleagues? Your boss?
The Weakness of Armor
In society, we have been taught to put on this armor when we go out into the world. We show up as perfect beings that are always confident, know everything, never feel pain (unless it’s physical… maybe), and certainly don’t doubt ourselves. Because of social media, we’ve become more comfortable with terms like “imposter syndrome” and can occasionally admit that. But to say we have self-doubt? Something that happens outside of work? Clutching my pearls! The audacity. We can’t do that. In fact, we don’t even want to admit that to ourselves because then this image we’ve built will fall apart like a house of cards. We’re supposed to be perfect.
This armor is exactly why we need safe spaces where we can show up authentically. Where business cards and titles aren’t just discouraged – they’re banned. We are more than the roles we play for other people. When we have the opportunity to stop performing, we can breathe. Have you noticed how often you’re holding your breath? It’s okay to exhale, hun.
Leave Your Title at the Door
What if I told you that admitting those things is actually the bravest thing you can do? That when you release it, the world will not crumble. I get that your work environment might not be the place for it. Not everywhere you go has psychological safety. And I understand that most people don’t think like I do. But that’s why you’re safe in the spaces I create. Because we all deserve to belong no matter how we show up that day.
This is why I created the She Suite Connector. Your secret door where you have the key to create success on your terms. A safe space for ambitious women of color and allies to come together to learn, grow, share, and be themselves without anything performative. Perfect is not on the agenda.
Because I keep this a safe space, you won’t find the link to join here or anywhere on social media. If you’d like an invitation to this table, send me a message: jackie@inspiredjourneyconsulting.com