Is mental money math causing you anxiety? This is my term for the overanalyzing of finances. Thinking about what bill needs to be paid next, what deposit will cover each withdrawal. But then it goes even further… Should I buy the unsalted natural peanut butter for $3.99 even though the unsalted natural almond butter for $11.99 is better for me? Is it really better for me? <Insert potential rabbit hole on my phone to figure that out.> How long can I go without buying more foundation? Is the roundtrip Uber ride and contribution to a group cocktail bill worth the hour I’ll spend out and about where I’ll essentially be stressed out the whole time, anyway?
Once upon a time, I didn’t care about money like this. I just said YES. It also put me in serious debt where I couldn’t afford to eat if I wanted to pay rent. Then I owned up to being more responsible with my finances. Yay me! Fast forward to being an entrepreneur and the awareness morphed into hyper-vigilance.
I know I’m not the only person who does mental math. Yes, we need to be mindful of money in and money out. My 20-something-self learned that lesson the hard way. But does it really need to make our brains and stomachs do backflips?
Why You’re Doing Mental Math
Here’s what’s really happening. Money equates to safety. When we don’t have enough, we feel unsafe. Our amygdala starts firing those fight, flight, freeze, appease reactions. We look for ways to make more money (fight) or save more money (flight). We spend our time doing mental math that can stop us from doing anything (freeze). Or look to direct our funds in a way that will make the people we care about the most happy (appease).
But here’s the kicker. What exactly is enough? We find ourselves chasing more and more and more without ever feeling satisfied or successful. Do you have that number in mind?
And what do you think about yourself when you have more or less? Are you equating your worth and value to your finances?
I’m going to repeat those questions so that you can take a few minutes and write out your answers. Give yourself the gift of this reflection.
- What exactly is enough money?
- Do you have that number in mind?
- If so, what is it?
- If not, spend some time to come up with that number.
- What do you think about yourself when you have more or less than enough?
- Are you equating your worth and value to your finances?
- If so, how?
What Money Really Tells Us
Oftentimes we choose to place our money in spaces that may not be serving us. Then when it comes time to invest in ourselves, the negative noise in our heads gives us every reason not to do it. We tell ourselves the money could be used elsewhere for other things and other people. We create new rules for what is “expensive and inexpensive” based on the situation. It’s a new way to beat ourselves up.
A few months ago, I was ready to buy a Nespresso machine for myself. I had been wanting one for at least three years (maybe even six). Then I found one on sale for $99. I read the reviews, compared the specs, got opinions from friends, and then convinced myself I shouldn’t get it. Until one of my friends said, “I was really hoping you would do something for yourself.” Then I realized that my negative noise was winning.
After some self-reflection, I chose to own my worth. It might seem small, but that’s the point. This kind of noise impacts us on big things and small things. So to remind myself of this important choice, I wrote myself a gift note. I wanted to remember that I deserve to want things that are just for me. It’s not selfish or guilty pleasures or splurges. It’s simply investing in me because I’m worthy of it. And with true joy, I have savored every single sip of coffee and espresso since. What are you saying no to that you deserve?
Steps to Quitting Mental Money Math
Here are some ways to stop the mental math, create safety for your brain that is freaking out, and support making choices that serve you.
- Step 1: It’s time to buy something for you! It doesn’t matter how much it costs. Notice your process. You don’t have to change anything at this point. Just pay attention to (and write down for extra credit):
- What you do
- How you’re feeling emotionally
- What you’re thinking about
- Whether you buy or not
- Step 2: Create a list of what you’re worthy of.
- For example: Are you worthy of feeling happy? Are you worthy of breathing fresh air? Are you worthy of being treated with respect in your home?
- Note: If this is difficult, it’s normal. Take three deep breaths.
- Step 3: Think about talking to a friend going through this same struggle.
- What advice would you give them about investing in themselves?
- What would you tell them if they couldn’t find things they’re worthy of?
- Step 4: If you know your Human Design, follow your Authority.
- If you don’t and are curious, learn more here.
- Step 5: Notice how you feel after taking these actions.
- Are you able to breathe deeper?
- Has your stomach settled?
- Does the decision feel less “life or death”?
- Has the purchase started to feel fun? Or have ease around it?
Email me and tell me what you experienced. You’re not alone in this. Find me at jackie@inspiredjourneyconsulting.com.
Don’t Stop Believing
Money is funny. It is a driver for how we live our lives – especially in the States. It impacts the career path we choose, the people we spend time with, our romantic relationships, where we live, and what we do when we’re not working. This concept that shifted from cows to metal to paper to now a virtual transaction has immense power over how we see ourselves, others, and life. We somehow allow this non-breathing thing to define us.
What I find significantly damaging is how we allow our negative stories about money to stop us from dreaming. Saying “money stops us” is giving power to something inanimate. It’s also making money the enemy, which doesn’t make any sense. The real problem is we close our minds to possibilities and allow the negative noise to own us. But we have a choice to quiet that nonsense. What would it feel like to let go of the “yeah but” and explore the big, fabulous, wild dreams?
That’s what I find interesting. It’s what I’m all about. I help women of color and allies to make this life the one they want. (Here’s a secret – you don’t have to blow up your current life to do that.) Intrigued? Then this podcast episode might resonate with you.
Remember that nothing changes if nothing changes. You always have a choice. The question is whether the one you’re making is serving you.