Self love is a daily practice. It’s not an easy one, either. Think about what makes you feel confident. On the best days, it’s probably wit, intelligence, being a good friend, an amazing cook, or a loving parent. What about your career? Your relationship? Or fashion? Maybe your hair? These things might sound trivial and they are. However, when you lose one of them it can knock you backwards. All of a sudden, that self love you had built up doesn’t feel as stable.
Career and weight often have me at war with my own self love. Let’s talk weight. I think it will be cathartic, important, and hopefully helpful. Loving myself no matter my size is one of my biggest challenges. My size has changed since sheltering-at-home. I’m taking up more space than I was before and it’s causing me more pain than I expected. Depending your relationship with weight, you may be disgusted with me for this or shrugging it off like I’m being dramatic. Whatever you do, please be kind and listen. And don’t offer me weight loss advice.
Body Shaming
There are good days and bad. When it’s rough, I look in the mirror and see someone I don’t like. Someone insecure. We are toughest on ourselves, aren’t we? We would never speak to someone else with so much venom. Why do we talk to ourselves that way? When I look at people of different sizes, I see beauty, personality, fashion. Why can I not give myself the same grace?
I got on the scale at a friend’s home for the first time since a doctor’s appointment in February. Now I have a rule about scales. I don’t keep one in my home because I’ve learned they are not good for my mental health or my self love. Because I’ve had a life long experience with diets, exercise, and self loathing based on appearance, I know all the logic about numbers versus muscle mass versus water retention. And on and on and on. Still, my inner bully started to take over. I then proceeded to step on the scale four more times in the next 24 hours. (I told you it’s not good for me to have one of these.) Body acceptance and I have a painful relationship…
History with Self Love
The first time I remember feeling overweight was at five years old. I was in the back seat being driven to school and noticed how big my thighs were. How they stretched wider when I was sitting. From then on I made a conscious effort to elevate my thighs in that position so they looked smaller. The next big moment, I was trying on a dress for my kindergarten graduation. I loved this dress! It was light blue with puffy sleeves, and was made for twirling. But the short sleeves were elastic and felt tight around my arms. I noticed that, felt shame, and decided I would take the discomfort. I wondered why my friends didn’t have those painful indentations around their arms.
I’m an 80’s child where female icons were mainly white, usually blonde, and were always stick thin. It wasn’t until I heard the phrase “representation matters” eight years ago that I understood how my brain was programmed. Why doesn’t that dress look the same on me? Do her pants rise up when she walks? My belly doesn’t look flat like that. Something must be wrong with me.
This story of mine is not unique or new, though I wish it was. If you search Google for “beauty and weight” from the past year, you’ll find two pages worth of ways to lose weight. Yeah. I had hopes of finding positive messaging with no luck. This is the world we live in.
What Do We Do?
I’ve spent years working on self love. For the past few weeks, I have felt like a failure being back in this spot of self loathing. Until I remembered something so important that plays a role in every area of our lives. Self love is a journey. It is a practice. And perfection is not what any of this is about.
It’s because of activist movements like iWeigh that I feel understood. Jameela Jamil and the inclusivity warriors behind this organization are creating change like having Instagram remove diet and detox miracle cures from their content. They are changing the perspective from “I weigh however many pounds” to “I weigh the depth of my being”. You can find them on all areas of social media. AND there is an iWeigh podcast that will fill your soul. (If you’re easily offended, this isn’t for you. Personally, I think Jameela is hilarious.)
Eat Confident is another podcast, social feed, and consulting business that fights the good fight of body acceptance. And Megan Jayne Crabbe (AKA @bodyposipanda) is my favorite IG influencer providing body positive content that will make you laugh and cry.
Travel Supports Healing
If you feel ready to go deep within instead of diet crazy, I recommend Healing at Home. The incredible team at Healing Hotels of the World can connect you with global healers from the comfort of your home. If you’re ready to travel, let’s talk more about those options to support you. Either way, finding our way to self love is a priority. In the spirit of Donna & Tom from Parks and Recreation, “Treat Yo Self.”
Sometimes at our lowest, we need a helping hand. These voices are empowered, caring, and give you positive messaging to turn that frown upside down. Take a deep breath and remember that this is your journey.
In the spirit of loving myself fully, I’ll tell you what I weigh. I weigh my healing journey, a desire to help lift others up, the love I have in my life, and the person I am today because of overcoming low moments. What do you weigh?