Does anxiety join you on the road or are you fully engaged? Do you consider yourself a spectator or a participant? How often do you test your comfort zone? One thing transformational travel has taught me is how far I’ve come. Another is how I wish it came into my world earlier to save my travels. But that’s not how this journey goes. “I can always be a better version of me than I was the day before.” That’s how I live my life. With this story and many to come, I’m prepared to humiliate myself to help others. You’re welcome.
Take Me Across the Pond
On my first trip to London I was filled with anxiety. My room wasn’t ready after the overnight flight. I felt awkward and scared. The concierge gave me a list of recommendations, circling them on a map for clarity. I’m not good with maps. He said it would be easy. I guess we’ll see.
My math skills aren’t stellar so I didn’t exchange American dollars for pounds. I decided to stick with credit cards and hoped for the best. Then I kept happening upon spots that only took cash. Damn it. I needed an ATM. Down Oxford Street I went in search of funds. This happens to be one of the busiest streets in the already buzzing SoHo neighborhood. Oxford Street is for shopping and everyone is out there on the weekend. So there I am with my anxiety feeling ever so American, not wanting to look like a tourist, trying to not walk into people, and finally noticing that everyone is walking on the opposite sides than they do in the States. I knew about the cars driving on the left, but nobody told me it applied to pedestrians. Was this supposed to be common sense?
Exploring With Anxiety
Eventually, I found what I needed and continued my day of exploring. It was a Sunday, my one free day before starting my business trip. I was determined to see London. Like Joey on Friends, the double-decker bus was an exciting must. (Very American thing to say.) Up the stairs I go because the tippity-top should be experienced. I wondered why I was the only one up here. Strange. Don’t the others like whimsy? A few streets into the journey, I’m shivering a bit. It didn’t feel this cold when I was walking… and now it’s starting to drizzle. Oh no. My hair doesn’t work well with rain. The Brits are going to think I’m dumb for not carrying an umbrella. They will immediately spot me as an American tourist and hate my small world self. I bet my fashion isn’t cool enough, either. And now I’ll be the dumb, frizzy haired, soaking wet American tourist. How did I already mess up this early into the trip?
After my guided tour I’m feeling confident. Well, as confident as I could at that point in my life. I took the map out and went searching for Covent Garden. Watch out world – I’ve been on a bus seeing the sites. I’ve got this! The moxy I developed rapidly disappeared as I walked in circles not understanding why the blue dot on my Apple map wasn’t making sense. Yes, I was doing this travel in times of technology and still couldn’t find my destination. This fact is not a surprise to my best friends. (Stop laughing girls.) Now I was hungry, lost, frustrated, exhausted, and anxious. How will I survive a week in this place?
My Comfort Zone or Yours?
Being the me that I am, I made sure to spend the week only experiencing the unfamiliar when it came to dining. No chains for me. By the end of my visit, I was tired and needed the comfort of home. Fast forward to my last day in London. On the way to the airport I spotted a Starbucks and asked my driver to stop so I could grab a latte. Finally! Something familiar and very American. But the menu was slightly different… I can do this. Just be basic. I ordered whatever I saw that was recognizable feeling a sense of relief. Then the barista asked, “For here or takeaway?” I replied with, “To go please.” He said, “Takeaway?” I raised my voice a tiny bit like a bad stereotype repeating, “To go please!” We do this back and forth a few more times until I realize that we’re saying the same thing. The amount of anxiety that crept up in those last few minutes was crippling. I couldn’t let the driver see the dumb tourist crying.
My first trip across the pond, I go to a place that speaks the same language, and I’m still uncomfortable. I feel like a failure. But my self esteem was too low to project my own shortcomings. I left hating London, complaining about every little thing, and feeling very small. My boss and PIC (Partner In Crime) was excited to hear how much I loved this magical city. Imagine his confusion listening to my frustration and ignorance.
Time to Grow
The next trip I challenged myself to take the Tube on my own to get my bearings. From then on, London was a second home. As I look back on this initial trip I can clearly see how I created my own negative experience. I did not meet people where they were. Yes, I stepped out of my comfort zone but I expected the world to cater to me. When in all actuality, it was my own fears and self doubt that designed the disaster. As embarrassing as this tale is to me now, I’m proud that it transformed me. No, it didn’t happen immediately or while I was roaming the streets of London. But that’s not always how transformational travel works. So ask yourself, how can you be more engaged in your travels?